Coming out of the infertility closet right before the holidays tends to open you up to some "suggestions" on how to get pregnant from your closest family and friends. I know each and every one of them love us so much that they want to do anything to help us in this journey. So those of you that are reading this who may have made a few of these suggestions, I know your heart is in the right place!
I wanted to share the best, worst, most bizarre and most interesting suggestions that I have heard over the last 8 years. Most of which I have actually tried. I mean why not, we have the time!
The #1 most suggested treatment of all time, the one in which almost everyone in my life has thought for sure will work. It is the magic pill, the one that will instantly get us pregnant.
"Just relax and stop thinking about it".
We have tried this the first year, then again for the last 2 years. I found that wine helps this process a lot! This is the only suggestion that makes me half crazy when I hear it. Although I know the good intentions behind it, but good lord if I had a penny for every time I heard it we would have 4 babies by now :)
These next suggestions are some of my favorites. They are sometimes so out there that we had to try it just to get a good laugh, while secretly hoping it would work! All of which have obviously failed, but its always great to laugh.
"Just drink vodka and red bull all night, it worked for me" I tried this one many many times, oddly it ended up being the opposite effect, because it turns out, an insanely awake puking girl is a turn off. Damn, I really had hoped this would do it.
"Put your legs up in the air for at least 10 minutes" After attempting multiple hand stands then attempting to do a headstand from the tripod position, while quietly scolding myself for not sticking to yoga, I realize its just my legs that need to be in the air. I did this for a whole year.. and I'm not kidding.
"Take out all gluten" This one was the end all be all to every disease that has ever been diagnosed in the last 4 years. Hey why not try it, I could be that .0000001% that actually has a gluten allergy. 6 month attempt... fail.
"Hop forward towards a full moon" Although the person who suggested this technique stated clearly to hop toward the full moon, I took notes from Juno and decided to hop backwards as well. Attempt failed.
"You should come to my house and drink my water. I'm tellin ya, there has got to be something in it cause I get pregnant if he just looks at me" Just give me the fucking water... Fail...
"Just adopt a baby and you will get pregnant" This one we have not attempted but as soon as we hit the lottery we are sure to try it.
"Do not think of pointy things while trying to make a baby" (No, I'm not kidding) Circle, circle, moon, quarter, dime nickle, hearts, oh damn, there is a point in that heart. Fail...
"Have you tried those tiny little needles" Uh... Huh? "You know that artpuncture, my cousins friends sister tried that after she couldnt get pregnant for 3 months and that worked" Oh, acupuncture. "Yeah, that's what I said". Still have not done this, but actually want to try it.
"Sit on a pregnant person's chair" It can be a bit awkward at the gyno's office to ask the lady about ready to give birth right then and there to get up so I can steal her seat, but after some convincing and a promise that I would put her out of her misery if that baby didn't come that day, I completed this task. I had high hopes but unfortunately, it was a fail...
Bobby and I are really having some fun with some of these, so keep the suggestions coming (well the funny ones anyway). If your idea works, you can name the baby. Well, you can pick the middle name... On second thought lets just go with the naming of our next dog. Yeah, we can agree to that!
Cheers,
Andrea
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