What's in a name?

Just a quick update...

It has been 3 months since my last blog. Wow, time has flown by! Just when I thought our lives couldn't change any more than it already has, boom another big change. Bobby accepted his dream job as an Adaptive Sports Coordinator at MacDill Air Force base. So within weeks of our kids moving with us full time, we decided to move across the state. It was such a good move for our family but absolutely the most stressful days of my life. But with the help of family, we got through it and are so excited to be here in Tampa. Now, on to the blog, "What's in a name"...

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What's in a name? Usually your whole identity, good or bad. This is the reason why so many people agonize for months over their unborn child's name and why there are thousands of books dedicated to this topic. I was lucky enough to be born with a name I love. Andrea is definitely not common and although there were a few jokes around my last name in school, I still liked my last name. I wasn't named after anyone, to my knowledge, but I think my parents did a great job. BUT, what if you were born with a name you dislike or even despise?

Some names can have such a deep connection to your past that it can bring up emotions every time you have to say it. And many of those who hate their name will never have the opportunity to officially change it. But as an adoptive parent, we have the very big responsibility to decided on name changes for our children. Now, if your child is a baby and really too young to understand, or if your child is old enough to make that decision on their own, say in their teens, it may be a little bit of an easier decision. But if you have the in between ages, like 2 to 10ish, it can be an agonizing decision. What do you do when your 5 year old begs to change his full name because he has such a negative association to his birth name?

This is the exact situation we were in. Since meeting our son he has made it known that he hated his name and wanted to change it. Even hearing the desperation in his voice we were hesitant. We would say things like "well lets keep your first name and change your middle name and we can call you by your middle name if that's what you really want". He would say no and insist that his whole name change. Very shortly after meeting him he wanted to be called Bobby. According to him, he wanted to share his dads name. Of course we were thrilled that he felt this connection to his dad, but the last thing we wanted was for him to lose his identity and the one thing that has been consistent in his life, besides his sister.  For the last few months we have talked it over with him and he has never waivered from this decision that he has made. Sometimes as parents we think we know what's best for our children and we have a hard time really listening to what they want and why they want it. Although our son could not put it into words why he wanted this change, he knew in his heart he needed this to happen.

After going back and forth with this decision, we decided to get a professional opinion and speak with the professionals in our child's life that have known him for the last few years while in the foster care system. And to our surprise, they backed his decision to change his name. Yes, it may be hard at first, but even though he is only 5, he dreads saying his name to people who ask. He has such a negative feeling toward his name that he got physically upset when we said we want to keep his given first name. So with all of the those factors and sitting down and having long conversations, we made the decision to really listen to what our child needs.

We have decided to change his full name to Robert Zane Puckett and call him Bobby. The middle name has been a part of my family for generations and we are so happy to continue on this tradition.  At first calling him Bobby was weird, especially for Rose. She did not like the change and in the first few weeks asked often why we are changing his name. But as time has gone on she has understood why he needed this change and what it means to him. Now, when people ask what his name is, he very proudly says "Bobby", with zero shame, something we did not see before. Our biggest fear was for him to lose his identity, and that is exactly what happened. He lost the shame, he lost the fear, he lost the anxiety, but he gained his true self. The happy kid he always wanted to be came out. He now has a connection to a father who is the best role model a kid could have. A man that is there for him and gives him what a father should; love, connection, respect, and attention.

Like politics, so many have very strong opinions of name changes for adopted children. But we are very happy with the choice we made as a family and cannot wait to move to the next chapter with the final adoption, which will be happing in the very near future!

Thank you for the support and encouragement and we look forward to announcing the date of our official adoption soon.





Cheers,

Bobby, Andrea, Rose and (little) Bobby
PS. now that we have 2 Bobby's in the house, dad may have to upgrade his name soon to Bob so we can keep confusion down ;)

Rose and Elton

After 100 months of heart ache, countless tears, and praying all the time, wondering if God will ever hear our prayers, on May 11, 2016 we found out just how much God was listening. We got that call that we had been waiting on. We held our breath as the social worker said, its a 6 year old girl named Rose and a 5 year old boy named Elton. They are siblings and ready for adoption and you are the perfect fit. We cried and laughed and cried again. A friend, only a few weeks before, sent me a text that said to hold on to Jeremiah 29:11. Boy did that ring true on this day.

The social worker told us how amazing they are and how much everyone loved them. And they would not have picked just anyone to be their parents,we were the perfect match. The social worker sent the pictures, and as soon as we set our eyes on them we knew they were our children. Made for us, with those bright blue eyes and insanely blonde hair. We had an instant connection with them. We were hoping they would feel the same.

The sun was a little bright! 

Looking Dapper

Always smiling

It took a while for the shock to wear off! I did not stop crying for a week or more. Every time I thought of their little faces, I would cry then laugh then cry again.

On May 19th the day came, we finally got to meet our children for the first time. Bobby and I were both a ball of nerves. I don't think I slept the whole week anticipating this meeting. I had so many questions. What do we say? What will they think of us? Will they like us? What if they hate us? But all of those questions melted away the moment they walked in the door. They stared at us and we stared at them. Then all of the sudden Elton said to Bobby "How do you get those legs off and on?" What a great icebreaker! Bobby and I looked at each other and finally exhaled (I'm pretty sure we had both been holding our breath for like 60 seconds). 

The day we met

The day we met

From that moment on it felt like we were a family. When my mom said all those years ago that "one day you will get one exactly like you" I had no idea she would be this right! Rose is so me as a child. Fiercely independent, talkative, dramatic, loves to dance and sing and always right there to help. Elton is the complete opposite and also happens to be exactly like Bobby. A big thinker, quiet, loves tinkering with toys and how they work, huge dreamer, shy, helpful and absolutely loves to ride his bike. They are happy,  healthy and thriving! They are such amazing kids and we are so blessed to be their mom and dad! I still have to pinch myself to see if I am dreaming.

We cannot wait to be able to introduce them to our family and friends. They, of course, already love their Nana. She is the best Nana in the world according to Rose, and I agree. They also met Papaw and Mimi (Susan). Of course they think dad is hilarious and love to talk to Mimi.  I cannot wait for them to meet Brogan and Liam. I have a feeling they will become fast friends and have that cousin bond instantly. They are already Ohio State fans, Bobby made sure of that, and they cannot wait to meet all of their extended family for the first time.

Thank you so much for all of the support and encouraging words throughout the years. If there was ever a doubt we now know, He may not do what we want when we want, but God's timing is always perfect.

With love,

Bobby, Andrea, Rose & Elton

100 Months

This month marks 100 months since our journey began. It doesn't even seem real that it could be that long! 100 months of hope. 100 months of disappointment. 100 months of wondering why me. 100 months of feeling sorry for myself. And I am tired of this roller coaster! Its like the tea cups at Disney World. Round and round and round with no end in sight, wishing you wouldn't have eaten that hot dog, cause you know its coming right back up...I digress, but you get the point!

But, in all honesty, this huge milestone has challenged me to rethink how I see our infertility journey. After all those long months of this difficult journey, I have realized my mom has been right this whole time, there is a reason for our struggles.  Hindsight is always 20/20!

I have been blessed with infertility. If you would have told me 50 months ago that I was going to make that statement, I would have 100% not believed it. I know they say you are never ready to have children, but throughout the years if we would have had children would we be where we are today? Probably not. Would we appreciate each other the way we do now? Probably not. Would we be blessed with children that need us just as much as we need them? Probably not.

We have decided to forgo fertility treatments. The last 3 rounds did me in, and I think Bobby feels the same. So we are full force searching for our children. And honestly it only seems natural, Bobby and I met online, why not find our kids online too!

For the first time in this crazy journey we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are so close. Even after finding out everything about us, and I mean everything, they have decided to approve our home study! We have had such a good experience with this process. Children's Home Society of North Florida is such an amazing organization. And we are very blessed to have them in our corner.

Thank you for all of your support. We could not have made it without all of you who have been by our sides through this journey. I am hoping the next blog will be about our child or children! We are so looking forward to this new chapter in our lives.

Cheers to the next 100 months!

Just 5 minutes

Just 5 minutes a day, month or year can change lives. All it takes is 5 minutes of your time. Through the crazy of our lives, I took 5 minutes a day for a week to use my voice to speak for others. I have to do something, anything to help foster kids get the bags they deserve. The one thing that I could do is contact every bag company I can find to see if they would be willing to just listen to what I have to say.

In the age of social media, we are so close to those who can help. We are one message away from reaching someone who may be able to make a difference. So, every day for a week I messaged 1 or 2 bag/luggage companies. Many responded with a message that sent me to their giving department to apply for a grant or donation, which I did, some did not respond at all. But one company's founder/CEO responded right away with a great message and asked how he could help.

All it takes is one. One person to see you, to hear you, to be so touch that they reach out and ask how they can help. Biaggi Luggage not only responded, but took action in a big way! They will now be supporting Duffels4Kids.org on a continual basis throughout the years by sending the perfect bags for these kids. I couldn't be happier with the result of just a little effort.

I challenge you to find something you can be passionate about and take 5 minutes a week to try and make a difference. Never be afraid to ask for something, you might actually get it! If you need help or ideas you can always contact me through Facebook or replying to this post. I am always willing to help get you started.

Hide your Crazy

This is Bobby's brain during fertility treatments...

This is my brain during fertility treatments...

Any questions?

As Miranda Lambert's mom says, "you got to hide your crazy". Well, this ain't your mamas hormones and it is hard as hell to hide this crazy!

The drugs that come with infertility is the part I dread most, well its a close second to aunt flo making an appearance when she clearly was not invited to the party.

Imagine sitting there thinking about round objects (read my blog "suggestion box" if you don't get this reference) then all of the sudden a triangle with 3 pointy sides pop up. The more you try not to think about it, the more triangles appear. This is like a hormone injection. The more you think about not going crazy, the more you go crazy. 

These drugs are designed to make you hate everyone and everything. I believe the drug companies partner with lawyers just in case your crazy goes overboard and you end up killing someone, most likely your husband because he is eating his kale chips too loudly. I really try hard to understand that these drugs give you the hormones you need to make a person, but why do they have to also make you certifiable? I try and keep my crazy to a minimum when out in public so naturally my husband wants to go out every minute of the day. Bike rides, long walks, eating, Wait... this sounds oddly familiar. I tell clients everyday they need to exercise their dog to wear the crazy out of them. Hmm, I better call that lawyer.

 But honestly, Bobby has been great with my hormonal changes. We have been through this many times before so he knows just when to shut it and when to comfort and when to call my mom. He hasn't done the latter yet, that I know of, but my mom is always there when he or I need to call. She's the one person who will help me put things in perspective or just tell me to start acting like a lady and help me hide my crazy.

The moral of this story; there is a reason why woman are crazy, apparently we were designed that way. Its literally in our blood. Thank God I am normally lacking these vital hormones, cause I think if I had to live like this all of the time, I would have to be admitted. I certainly hope if I ever get pregnant this will not continue, I really do not want to have to raise little Johnny in prison without a father. But, thank goodness this part doesn't last long, and I will hopefully be back to my normal self soon. I know this is will all be worth it. To be continued...

Cheers,

Andrea

The Trash Bag

I wanted to talk quickly about something serious. Something that I recently learned in our adoption class that I never knew. Something that has shaken me to my core. 

The heartbreaking truth of foster children. Their reality. The reason behind acting out or shutting down or self hate. I have heard horrific stories of heartbreak, separation, abuse & neglect. These stories I have heard before, second hand or on the news. It still effects me and truly breaks my heart. But the one thing that hit me the hardest, the one I cannot stop thinking about, was the trash bag. As if there isn't anything worse than being pulled from everything you know, no matter how bad the situation, most children in foster care (at least in my area) get a trash bag when being taken from their home or from foster home to foster home. They are handed a trash bag and told to put everything they can into this one bag because that is all they can take with them.  They already feel angry, abandoned, hurt, heartbroken, then they are handed a trash bag. In this trash bag they carry every ounce of who they are. Everything they know of themselves or their family. Stop and think, if you were suddenly forcefully removed from everyone and everything you know, and handed a trash bag. 

No one deserves a trash bag. 

This is reality for so many children. Please, please, if you have luggage or a big bag you are thinking of giving to goodwill or selling, please consider donating to your local foster care agency. I know these social workers absolutely hate giving trash bags to these children and would much rather give them a bag of their own to keep. Please watch the following videos that tell a realistic story of a child in foster care. She has a trash bag.