I refuse to be silent

Today was hard.  Today I chose to shield my son from what he did not understand. Today I chose to not tell my son that the grown woman standing in front of us chose to judge him and I unfairly. I chose to keep quiet about the blatant discrimination that we just experienced. Was I protecting him? Or should I have stood up right then and there?

Little Bobby has been sick for the last week, but today it was different . I noticed he was struggling to breath. I panicked a bit (as a new mom would), so I took him to the urgent care down the street. We walk in and the lovely lady behind the desk walks up to us very pleasant and nice. She asks what was going on and I tell her. She looked very sympathetic, then said "can I have your insurance card." I hand her the information. She then barely looks up at us, shoves the paper back in my hand and, in a completely different tone than before, she said, "Oh, you're across the street" then starts to walk away.   Um excuse me? She looks up and says "we don't take medicaid. You are supposed to go across the street." The sad part; she didn't even know what she was doing was wrong. She didn't know that she had just instantly judged us based on what type of insurance we have. She didn't know that she had shamed a 6 year old and his mother, in front of a lobby of people. She didn't know that I had just spent a week on the phone with over 15 doctors offices being shamed over and over again because of the stereotype of medicaid. She also didn't know her blatant discrimination lit a fire inside of this mom that was fueled by her ignorance.

Discrimination Does Not Discriminate 

So during this week that Bobby was starting to get sick I knew I needed to find a new pediatrician for the kids. The one we had been to before was just not for us.  This proved to be a very complicated task. I want someone that doesn't have a million patients a day and will get us in fairly easily if one of the kids gets sick. I did my homework and came up with a list of recommended doctors in the area. Then I started calling around. By the end of my calls that day I was in tears and angry as hell.  Here is how 90% of my conversations went:

Me: "Hello, are you taking new patients" 

Office: In a very cheery tone (most of the time) "Why yes we are, why type of insurance"

Me: "Sunshine" (Florida Medicaid)

Office: Complete tone change to almost rude (most of the time) "Oh no, we don't take that" Hang up. Almost EVERY SINGLE TIME.

As a middle aged white woman, I can say I have not had to deal with many instances of personal discrimination directed toward me. I have seen it all around me. I have seen it happen to friends and family. I have seen it happen with strangers in the street and each time it has made me angry, sad and upset. But when it happens directly to you and to your child, it takes it to a whole new level of anger and sadness. 

 The amount of disgust in people's voices and on their faces because I say one word "Medicaid", is enraging. How dare you. How dare you try to make me and my children feel shame for having a "government insurance". How dare you look down on us because you assume we are "taking your tax dollars" or are "low lifes who won't get off the couch". Who the hell do you think you are? And, the sad part, you don't even know what you are doing is wrong. 

That lady at the urgent care was so very lucky my son did not understand what was happening, because if he did I would have taken that opportunity to help him understand there is no place for discrimination, there is no place for those who shame others. He would have heard me politely ask the lady why she felt the need to shame a sick boy and his mother just trying to get him medical attention. Why she felt the need to treat us like second class citizens that do not deserve to even walk in their office. But, instead I chose in that moment to shield my son from what he did not understand and just move on.

What is Medicaid and the stigma it brings?

One amazing benefit to adopting children from the Florida foster care system, is they will receive medical insurance until their 18th birthday. For so many this is such a relief. As we know, the rise of healthcare costs can be so difficult on so many families. BUT the sad reality with that relief, comes a whole new anxiety, shame and guilt. The sad part is, we do have insurance because of Bob's retirement from the Air Force but the cost associated would be very high and it would not cover nearly what Medicaid will. So we chose, in the best interest of our kids, to keep the medicaid that is offered as a benefit for adoption. But now I have to wonder, is it worth the stigma and shame that it brings?

So many people have very strong opinions of "welfare" and those who have the need to be on assistance. There is this stigma attached to you when you are forced to ask for help so that you and your child can get the very basic necessity of medical care or food. I have heard people actually say "they are taking my money" and "maybe they should just get off the couch and get a job". Never mind that the majority of people on medicaid are children and the elderly. Never mind that in many states "¹medicaid covers 1 out of 3 children, the majority of these come from working families whose income cannot keep pace with normal living expenses"... Never mind that "Medicaid covers more than just low income families, it covers children, pregnant woman, elderly and significantly disabled." (Mark A Wallace, CEO Texas Childrens Hospital). 

I refuse to be silent 

I refuse to be silent any longer. I refuse to let someone look down on my children because they think they know who we are, based solely on their opinion of what type of people use Medicaid. I refuse to let one more parent call these places and be shamed the way I  have felt shamed. I will speak up. I will educate those unwilling to educate themselves on the reality of public assistance.

Are there people who take advantage of the system? Of course. There is in every system of the world. But remember, if you choose judgement over compassion that speaks volumes about your character, not the person on assistance. So for those of you with the opinion of "they are just taking my tax dollars" please remember this, that woman in front of you at the grocery store with 4 kids under 4 using a WIC card, just may be a foster mom trying to feed and love 4 little people who have been taken away from everything they know. Please remember that the man in front of you may have just been forced to flee a country where he grew up because someone was trying to kill his family. Remember that when you see me at the doctors office and I say we have medicaid, its because my child went through hell to be where he is today and he deserves medical care. And remember, your judgement of who you think I am, makes YOU the ignorant, uneducated one.

Discrimination of any kind is a tragedy of our society. It is passed on from one generation to the other without regard for the people it is hurting. It is horribly sad that a mom is made to feel shame when asking for help because of someones ignorance and lack of education on what public assistance truly is and who actually applies for it. It is your neighbor, it is your sister and brother, it is your pastor, your teacher, your friend. Its the highly educated, its the foster child who ages out of the system, it is the mom who lost everything when she chose to leave her abusive relationship. It could be any one of us. Please do your homework and choose love, not ignorance.