Adoption, such a loaded word. We decided about a month ago that it was time. We have been trying to have a baby for about 5 years, pretty much since the day we were married. We have gone through 4 years of test after test after test, surgery, shots, insemination and so many other things that I have probably blocked out. Before each step we would be so excited and thinking maybe it will work this time. Only to be more and more disappointed after aunt flo came to town each and every month.
I thought I was handling it pretty well under the circumstances. According to my recollection, I would cry a lot but didn't obsess about it. But if you talk to my husband I was a crazy woman. (I think he is crazy, he thinks I am blocking it out). He now tells me he would call my mom and just say what do I do to help her. Wow, if he called my mom it must have been bad. But again, I do not recall my craziness. I really did think that I was taking it surprisingly well. I guess your brain does wonders to block bad out.
So after about 3.5 years of another man looking at my vagina more than my husband (our fertility specialist really was amazing but come on) we decided to cool it for awhile and just not do anything but learn to have fun sex again. Anyone who has fertility issues knows the difference! It has been great. We have learned to have fun and let loose again without having a child that doesn't exist take over our whole lives.
After almost a year of having fun, Bobby looks at me while eating dinner and says "OK, it's time to get the show on the road. We are getting older (speak for yourself) and we can't wait much longer, lets try adoption." Wow, that was out of the blue. But it may have had something to do with the comment that I had said about an hour earlier "wow Bobby your hair is really thinning and grey." Oops didn't mean to make you self conscious about your age (soon to be 39). But I guess it got us both thinking about how old HE really is and how old my eggs really are.
With private adoption out of the running due to the exorbitant cost involved and the fact that there are so many children in Foster care (3,000 just in Pinellas and Pasco counties alone) we decided we would look into public adoption. Here we go... did I mention I was scared?
So, tomorrow we put the lemons in the juicer and hope in 9-12 months we will have a full glass of lemonade. Wish us luck.
