100 Months

This month marks 100 months since our journey began. It doesn't even seem real that it could be that long! 100 months of hope. 100 months of disappointment. 100 months of wondering why me. 100 months of feeling sorry for myself. And I am tired of this roller coaster! Its like the tea cups at Disney World. Round and round and round with no end in sight, wishing you wouldn't have eaten that hot dog, cause you know its coming right back up...I digress, but you get the point!

But, in all honesty, this huge milestone has challenged me to rethink how I see our infertility journey. After all those long months of this difficult journey, I have realized my mom has been right this whole time, there is a reason for our struggles.  Hindsight is always 20/20!

I have been blessed with infertility. If you would have told me 50 months ago that I was going to make that statement, I would have 100% not believed it. I know they say you are never ready to have children, but throughout the years if we would have had children would we be where we are today? Probably not. Would we appreciate each other the way we do now? Probably not. Would we be blessed with children that need us just as much as we need them? Probably not.

We have decided to forgo fertility treatments. The last 3 rounds did me in, and I think Bobby feels the same. So we are full force searching for our children. And honestly it only seems natural, Bobby and I met online, why not find our kids online too!

For the first time in this crazy journey we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are so close. Even after finding out everything about us, and I mean everything, they have decided to approve our home study! We have had such a good experience with this process. Children's Home Society of North Florida is such an amazing organization. And we are very blessed to have them in our corner.

Thank you for all of your support. We could not have made it without all of you who have been by our sides through this journey. I am hoping the next blog will be about our child or children! We are so looking forward to this new chapter in our lives.

Cheers to the next 100 months!

Just 5 minutes

Just 5 minutes a day, month or year can change lives. All it takes is 5 minutes of your time. Through the crazy of our lives, I took 5 minutes a day for a week to use my voice to speak for others. I have to do something, anything to help foster kids get the bags they deserve. The one thing that I could do is contact every bag company I can find to see if they would be willing to just listen to what I have to say.

In the age of social media, we are so close to those who can help. We are one message away from reaching someone who may be able to make a difference. So, every day for a week I messaged 1 or 2 bag/luggage companies. Many responded with a message that sent me to their giving department to apply for a grant or donation, which I did, some did not respond at all. But one company's founder/CEO responded right away with a great message and asked how he could help.

All it takes is one. One person to see you, to hear you, to be so touch that they reach out and ask how they can help. Biaggi Luggage not only responded, but took action in a big way! They will now be supporting Duffels4Kids.org on a continual basis throughout the years by sending the perfect bags for these kids. I couldn't be happier with the result of just a little effort.

I challenge you to find something you can be passionate about and take 5 minutes a week to try and make a difference. Never be afraid to ask for something, you might actually get it! If you need help or ideas you can always contact me through Facebook or replying to this post. I am always willing to help get you started.

Hide your Crazy

This is Bobby's brain during fertility treatments...

This is my brain during fertility treatments...

Any questions?

As Miranda Lambert's mom says, "you got to hide your crazy". Well, this ain't your mamas hormones and it is hard as hell to hide this crazy!

The drugs that come with infertility is the part I dread most, well its a close second to aunt flo making an appearance when she clearly was not invited to the party.

Imagine sitting there thinking about round objects (read my blog "suggestion box" if you don't get this reference) then all of the sudden a triangle with 3 pointy sides pop up. The more you try not to think about it, the more triangles appear. This is like a hormone injection. The more you think about not going crazy, the more you go crazy. 

These drugs are designed to make you hate everyone and everything. I believe the drug companies partner with lawyers just in case your crazy goes overboard and you end up killing someone, most likely your husband because he is eating his kale chips too loudly. I really try hard to understand that these drugs give you the hormones you need to make a person, but why do they have to also make you certifiable? I try and keep my crazy to a minimum when out in public so naturally my husband wants to go out every minute of the day. Bike rides, long walks, eating, Wait... this sounds oddly familiar. I tell clients everyday they need to exercise their dog to wear the crazy out of them. Hmm, I better call that lawyer.

 But honestly, Bobby has been great with my hormonal changes. We have been through this many times before so he knows just when to shut it and when to comfort and when to call my mom. He hasn't done the latter yet, that I know of, but my mom is always there when he or I need to call. She's the one person who will help me put things in perspective or just tell me to start acting like a lady and help me hide my crazy.

The moral of this story; there is a reason why woman are crazy, apparently we were designed that way. Its literally in our blood. Thank God I am normally lacking these vital hormones, cause I think if I had to live like this all of the time, I would have to be admitted. I certainly hope if I ever get pregnant this will not continue, I really do not want to have to raise little Johnny in prison without a father. But, thank goodness this part doesn't last long, and I will hopefully be back to my normal self soon. I know this is will all be worth it. To be continued...

Cheers,

Andrea

The Trash Bag

I wanted to talk quickly about something serious. Something that I recently learned in our adoption class that I never knew. Something that has shaken me to my core. 

The heartbreaking truth of foster children. Their reality. The reason behind acting out or shutting down or self hate. I have heard horrific stories of heartbreak, separation, abuse & neglect. These stories I have heard before, second hand or on the news. It still effects me and truly breaks my heart. But the one thing that hit me the hardest, the one I cannot stop thinking about, was the trash bag. As if there isn't anything worse than being pulled from everything you know, no matter how bad the situation, most children in foster care (at least in my area) get a trash bag when being taken from their home or from foster home to foster home. They are handed a trash bag and told to put everything they can into this one bag because that is all they can take with them.  They already feel angry, abandoned, hurt, heartbroken, then they are handed a trash bag. In this trash bag they carry every ounce of who they are. Everything they know of themselves or their family. Stop and think, if you were suddenly forcefully removed from everyone and everything you know, and handed a trash bag. 

No one deserves a trash bag. 

This is reality for so many children. Please, please, if you have luggage or a big bag you are thinking of giving to goodwill or selling, please consider donating to your local foster care agency. I know these social workers absolutely hate giving trash bags to these children and would much rather give them a bag of their own to keep. Please watch the following videos that tell a realistic story of a child in foster care. She has a trash bag.

Suggestion Box

Coming out of the infertility closet right before the holidays tends to open you up to some "suggestions" on how to get pregnant from your closest family and friends. I know each and every one of them love us so much that they want to do anything to help us in this journey. So those of you that are reading this who may have made a few of these suggestions, I know your heart is in the right place!

I wanted to share the best, worst, most bizarre and most interesting suggestions that I have heard over the last 8 years. Most of which I have actually tried. I mean why not, we have the time!

The #1 most suggested treatment of all time, the one in which almost everyone in my life has thought for sure will work. It is the magic pill, the one that will instantly get us pregnant.
"Just relax and stop thinking about it". 

We have tried this the first year, then again for the last 2 years. I found that wine helps this process a lot! This is the only suggestion that makes me half crazy when I hear it. Although I know the good intentions behind it, but good lord if I had a penny for every time I  heard it we would have 4 babies by now :)                                          

These next suggestions are some of my favorites. They are sometimes so out there that we had to try it just to get a good laugh, while secretly hoping it would work! All of which have obviously failed, but its always great to laugh.

"Just drink vodka and red bull all night, it worked for me" I tried this one many many times, oddly it ended up being the opposite effect, because it turns out, an insanely awake puking girl is a turn off. Damn, I really had hoped this would do it.

"Put your legs up in the air for at least 10 minutes" After attempting multiple hand stands then attempting to do a headstand from the tripod position, while quietly scolding myself for not sticking to yoga, I realize its just my legs that need to be in the air. I did this for a whole year.. and I'm not kidding.

"Take out all gluten"  This one was the end all be all to every disease that has ever been diagnosed in the last 4 years. Hey why not try it, I could be that .0000001% that actually has a gluten allergy.  6 month attempt... fail.

"Hop forward towards a full moon" Although the person who suggested this technique stated clearly to hop toward the full moon, I took notes from Juno and decided to hop backwards as well. Attempt failed.

 

"You  should come to my house and drink my water. I'm tellin ya, there has got to be something in it cause I get pregnant if he just looks at me"  Just give me the fucking water... Fail...

"Just adopt a baby and you will get pregnant" This one we have not attempted but as soon as we hit the lottery we are sure to try it. 

"Do not think of pointy things while trying to make a baby" (No, I'm not kidding) Circle, circle, moon, quarter, dime nickle, hearts, oh damn, there is a point in that heart. Fail...

"Have you tried those tiny little needles" Uh... Huh? "You know that artpuncture, my cousins friends sister tried that after she couldnt get pregnant for 3 months and that worked" Oh, acupuncture. "Yeah, that's what I said". Still have not done this, but actually want to try it. 

"Sit on a pregnant person's chair" It can be a bit awkward at the gyno's office to ask the lady about ready to give birth right then and there to get up so I can steal her seat, but after some convincing and a promise that I would put her out of her misery if that baby didn't come that day, I completed this task. I had high hopes but unfortunately, it was a fail...

Bobby and I are really having some fun with some of these, so keep the suggestions coming (well the funny ones anyway). If your idea works, you can name the baby. Well, you can pick the middle name... On second thought lets just go with the naming of our next dog. Yeah, we can agree to that! 

Cheers,

Andrea

The F word

The F word...some hear the word and immediately cringe. Some use this word proudly without fear of rejection, not caring if others decide to cringe and run away. I am one who tends to use this word proudly, I will shout it from the rooftops and find a way to make people who cringe want to shout it too.. It will make you feel like you have never felt before! For some it gives them a purpose and meaning, for others, they do it hiding behind a computer while giggling and laughing because they may have just saved someones life or at the very least, changed it.

The F word that I am referring to...FUNDRAISER.

This word is an important part of something bigger, something that has changed me. It is the core of who Bobby and I are. We have seen the life altering effects of raising money can have on so many peoples lives. We may not always be able to give much financially, we are always willing to knock down doors to help those who need it. UNTIL one day, we realized that it is us who needed it. It was us who wanted something so badly that we even had the thought to ask others to donate to our cause. Is it fair? Is it something worthy of others to give to? Why would anyone want to help us populate the world with a little Bobby or Andrea? We have agonized over it for a long time. Why is it so easy to help others by encouraging them to open up about their situation and convince them they are a worthy cause, but so very hard to take your own advice? Bobby and I do not like putting ourselves out there for the world to see, unless it would truly help someone else meet their full potential. But here we are, 8 years into our infertility journey, desperate to move forward. Desperate to make this dream be our reality, this amazing dream, that one day our house is filled with paper, rock, scissors at 3 am to find out who changes the diaper, or roaring laughter at 9pm from their bedrooms when they should be asleep, or the sound of instant pain when I step on a Lego. These things I will never take for granted. These things that may seem so trivial, so mundane, so normal. But to us they are a dream that we are desperate to make our normal.
With that said we are finally taking the steps to ask for a little help making this dream come true. Every little bit counts and we are so grateful for the prayers and encouraging words from everyone in our lives.

We have set up a Go Fund Me page: www.gofundme.com/lemonstolemonade but have also decided to do at least one fundraiser in the Columbus area withing the next couple of months, with spiked lemonade and maybe a 50/50 raffle! We are so grateful for all of you and can't wait to see what our future holds.


Thank you

*** Our family and friends have been so supportive over the years. We are so blessed to have people in our lives that genuinely care about our happiness and well being. There were times where we thought we would never make it, but there they were, right beside us, literately carrying us through to the other side. They have helped us get to this place where we can have hope to actually get this procedure. Helping to pay off student loans and debts just to be able to save as much as we can for the life we have always wanted, we will be forever grateful!

Cheers,

Andrea

Starting fresh in Jax

I cant believe it has been 3 years since my first and last post. So many things have changed in the last 3 years. We left Tampa for a new adventure back home in Ohio, but about 6 months after moving home Bobby received an amazing job offer in Jacksonville with the Wounded Warrior Project. So back to Florida we went! Jax is much different than Tampa and I think it may take some getting used to, but Bobby absolutely loves his job, and I have an amazing opportunity in my career, to be able to make my own schedule and focus on our family, so we have decided this is where we will lay our roots!

Three years ago we started looking into adoption from foster care. We went to the orientation and then we decided at that time we were just not ready to make the commitment. With our careers in limbo and me missing home so much, it just was not the right time. It was a hard decision because we both wanted so badly to have a family but we knew it would be an emotional roller coaster that we just couldn't handle at the time.

With the new year approaching and Bobby and I, finally being the most stable we have ever been in every aspect of our lives, have made the decision that 2016 is our year to have a family. One way or another, this will happen. We have decided to maximize our chances, and we are charging full force into fertility treatments as well as public adoption! Of course everyone we talk to says that as soon as we adopt we will get pregnant because it always seems to happen that way. Our thoughts... the more the merrier! If it does end up that way, we will feel blessed to have the family we have.

January starts the process of fertility treatments. We are going to start with the cheap easy things first. Because $15,000 is not the easiest to save, but if IVF is what is needed, we are more than willing to sacrifice to do this. Lookout family and friends, I see lemonade stands and fundraisers in our future!   The other option that we have decided to start is adoption from the foster care system. I am really excited about this option as well. We start classes in February and will hopefully start our home study by the end of March!

Bobby and I feel so lucky to have the family and friends that we do and we cannot wait to share this adventure with you. Through the past 8 years there have been a lot of ups and downs, sometimes I looked at our life as being the lemons, waiting for kids so that we could make lemonade. But it took me a long time to realize Bobby and I have already made lemonade. There are a lot of things we could be angry about, but we chose to be happy and turn toward one another for support and encouragement. We are a beautiful, full pitcher of lemonade, we are just looking for the sugar to sweeten it a bit!

Cheers,

Andrea